At the court of King Wimp

Samaritans are basically trained volunteers who provide emotional support to people who are feeling so hopeless, they're thinking about killing themselves. People get in touch by phone, 24 hours a day. There's a lot of emailing too, but you can contact them any way you like. It's completely confidential, non-judgemental, and they don't offer any advice.

I want to be on the end of the phone when a grief-stricken person calls at 3 am.

I want to help him - without 'giving him any advice'.

How the heck do I do that?

What gives me the right to talk to someone out of topping themselves?

Why do I want to do this - when I could be sleeping, drinking, mating or anything else?

Am I going to be able to cope with a young girl ringing to say she's taken an overdose and she's calling to say goodbye to a stranger?

I'm King Wimp. I cry at sad movies. I feel my eyes prickling at The Sound of Music. Reading Cider with Rosie aloud to my son can reduce me to helpless tears. Am I really up to talking to suicidal people? Or will I dribble and blubber so pitifully, they'll have to start soothing me?

Anyway, I haven't even been selected for training yet. They may well see through my veil of bluff bonhomie and drive me from the building, taunting me for my lack of moral fibre and possibly throwing household objects. I suspect these Samaritans can be brutal when they choose.