Hunt the vegetable

I'm invited to the introductory meeting. It's night and quite hard to find the place. About 20 people there. Most ages and types - from students to little old ladies. Only one black person and no Asians at all. Why? Maybe the name Samaritans puts them off - sounds severely Christian, though in fact the organisation has no religious affiliation whatsoever.

The Branch Director is a woman of about 35 and dressed in a smart business suit. She explains what the Samaritans do and how they do it. It's the only voluntary organisation open all the time. Phone volunteers have to do three to four hours a week minimum, plus an 'overnight' every few weeks. Most do more. Plus there's all the fund raising, admin and so on. It's made clear that volunteering is a serious business. They don't take everyone who applies - you get in only after a gruelling interview. Then there's weeks of training in areas such as active listening (and, I suspect, to prepare volunteers for some of the truly awful things they're going to hear from callers). You don't go near a 'live' phone for six months.

It's interesting and often bizarre stuff. Over 6,000 suicides a year in the UK. Huge growth in numbers of people emailing problems - and they're trialling a texting service. (How will that work? "I h8 life n wnt to kll myslf"?). And - this had never occurred to me - they get a lot of sex calls. "The thing is, we never put the phone down on people," said the Director. "And there are a lot of woman volunteers. So it's a cheap way for people to get their kicks.

"I remember my first ever call as a Samaritan. I picked up the phone, hoping to help someone who was depressed. "Hello, Samaritans," I said. The man on the other end said, "Hello. Did you know I have a carrot up my arse?"